I remember how we walked out of Fresh Market together and you greeted one of the cashiers and then quietly exclaimed (oximoron!) into my ear, “Wow! I hardly recognized her, she’s gained so much weight…”
Now I’M that girl- lost control, a fatty, ate to find some way to cope with the anxiety and stress and depression. And I know it’s what people think, and you know what? It hurts. And I wish I’d told you that, instead of quietly nodding and changing the subject. Because now I am HER, and I’d like it if people were just glad to see me.
On a shorter, lighter note:
this woman’s recipe for cupcakes- pssshhhh you OBVIOUSLY do NOT know what you are doing, put down the whisk you nincompoop.
A lot of people are in mourning right now..
When you get knocked down like that, life feels heavy.
Life definitely feels heavy for me right now, but not for AJ’s loss. Just other stuff makes me feel so bored, frustrated, and confused about my life in general.. I get incredibly angry, I don’t even bother to read my bible, I withdraw from friends and family sometimes and other times it’s like I’m the happiest person in the world.
Plus the shock of one of our own, from a group comprised of such normal kids with such varied personality types, headed towards what we have been assured is success- the achievers, the party kids, the neurotic, young comedians, the plain, the eccentric, the athletic beach going cool kids, the whimsical hipsters- one of them is gone. I just keep imagining what could of happened if he didn’t die- we’d meet, I’d laugh and blush at his inappropriate jokes, he’d laugh at my naivety, I’d tell him how awkward and out of place I feel in front of everyone, and I’d admire how outwardly funny and kind and fun and easygoing he could be in those situations. Maybe he could tell me why things had gotten so bad that he just couldn’t take it anymore. Everyone said he was one of the kindest people they’d ever known, and his close friends gave a testimony that successfully broke through any of that awful skepticism and apathy I feel these days.
I BELIEVE there was something special about him. And that makes me question some of the deadness I feel inside, it makes me want to do something special with my life, and be what AJ apparently was for everyone around him.
wingswouldnothelpyou:
Just listening to the Tangled CD Amanda got me along with other Disney music, where the only people who die are the bad guys and do so by conveniently falling off high places.
:D
I love Disney, I wish it just hadn’t made the world seem so simple black and white, because it isn’t.
So many intense emotions and wonderful moments are going on around me and it’s like I can’t really soak it in.
